UNDERSTANDING SELF-LOVE
“He left me. I’m nothing without him.”
“She ended her relationship with me. I feel lost without her.”
“My friends left me. It’s probably my fault.”
“My parents abandoned me. I feel incomplete.”
These are the cries of the hurting, the brokenhearted, and the devastated. In relationships, whether one admits comes from expectations where, when one gives, one should return. These expectations are the yearnings for more from our loved ones that are satisfied, filled, and dependent upon the attention of others, with a belief they are incomplete without the other, and so a must complete them.
One might say or have thought these consciously or unconsciously too:
“I love expecting nothing in return, but…”
“I accept him for who he is, but…”
The word but represents condition despite the declarations, confessions, beliefs, and agreements with the meaning of love that is unconditional. I love you becomes I trade you. I give something for something.
Everyone learned to self-sacrifice so that others do not have to. Many believe it is a powerful demonstration of love, but perhaps to some extent, as results vary and depend on one’s understanding of unconditional love. One may also realize this is the endless cycle of breakups, regrets, and more.
How can one avoid these experiences? How can one break the cycle?
Pain is inevitable for our personal growth. Cycles cannot break, as they are one element of how life works where rhythm and tides are present for one’s evolution, knowing, and exercising choices.
One can only change his approach to it, breaking the cycle per se, and that is when one decides and is willing, committed, and brave to embrace change, the refocusing on oneself.
What a narcissistic, self-centered, and selfish approach one might have thought: how can parents focus on themselves with children in need, spouses with ill spouses, and more? Consider exploring balance and making time for yourself; these are not impossible to achieve. An empty cup cannot fill another cup, and a blind cannot lead another blind, right?
Where and how does change happen? It starts within us through moment-to-moment introspection, where we can observe, study, and understand our emotional process and ourselves. It’s not only referring to pampering and gifting oneself with stuff. Self-love is an endless journey to take and doesn’t happen overnight. There are layers and layers of beliefs and programming to examine, the unlearning of the old and welcoming of the new ones, and the understanding of the reason for accepting conditions and labels that shaped the perception of oneself.
These said journeys are:
1. Self-discovery — helps in remembering and understanding oneself beyond the physical body and increases self-awareness
2. Self-acceptance — helps in identifying blocks and beliefs about oneself based on outside opinions and influences
3. Self-forgiveness — helps in identifying resistances affecting self-worth
4. Self-care — helps in healing and making better choices for health
What is Self-Love?
Based on the word itself, self-love is a call to action to love oneself. It’s also about:
1. Knowing oneself beyond the physical body through introspection
2. Allowing oneself to heal by releasing emotions and being cautious about where one exposes oneself: people, media, food, etc.
3. Allowing oneself to feel better and be happy without guilt
4. Accepting and appreciating one’s physical appearance
5. Celebrating and embracing one’s uniqueness
6. Forgiving oneself for the mistakes committed
7. Not depending on the approval of others
8. Not being consumed by negative thoughts
9. Believing in one’s potential with no doubt.
10. Surrounding oneself with beauty and love.
Training and practicing these ten actions can lead one to love oneself. Some positive effects of self-love are: better health, a happier life, regained and renewed self-confidence, more independence, and develop more compassion, and kindness. The more one loves oneself, there are no more dependencies and expectations from people for attention, approval, encouragement, and empowerment.
As every individual is different and has a different approach to everything, one can start somewhere one is comfortable. Have a love affair with yourself or better yet be you-the “love”who loves.
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